He is now to be among you at the calling of your hearts.

Rest assured this troubadour is acting on His part.

The union of your spirits here has caused Him to remain

For whenever two or more of you are gathered in His name

There is love

-The Wedding Song Paul Stooky -

Involving children in the ceremony
                                                             by the Hon. Mark Ovard

If children are coming into the marriage, there are many different ways to involve the children in the wedding ceremony itself. I believe it is very important that if children are coming into the marriage that they be recognized or participate in some aspect of the wedding ceremony itself. Children often can not express fears or doubts they have.

As I have 6 children myself, I am very aware as to how much children will be an influence in the couple's life together. Involving children in the ceremony help them to transition to the new relationship they are now a part of.
 

MENTIONING THE CHILDREN:

I think it is much more important that children hear their names mentioned in the ceremony, than it is that they play any major part of the ceremony. Mentioning their name during the wedding assures that they are an important part of the occasion and have special status which guests and other family members attending do not. Children need to feel important to their parents.

If children are coming into the marriage, it is appropriate to mention in the ceremony that not only is a marriage being formed, but also a family - and then name each child. If a prayer is in the ceremony, each child's name will be stated in the prayer.
 

WHEN CHILDREN TEND TO FEEL "LEFT OUT" IN A WEDDING:

Most couples are careful to take time to talk to the children about the marriage before the wedding day and involve children in some aspect of the ceremony. Where children tend to be left out is immediately after the ceremony. The bride and groom walk away and are crowded by "big people" - with the children left out of the immediate post ceremony celebration.

When children tend to feel most left out is immediately after the ceremony. Children tend to see the world as revolving around themselves - and the wedding ceremony as also their day. They feel very left out if all the adults celebrate and they are ignored at the end. They also do not know what they are supposed to do after the ceremony ends.

This is easily avoided. The couple should simply take a moment to hug their child/children, thank them for helping in the ceremony, and then telling them they are free to play. This 30 seconds of recognition is very important.
 

NON CEREMONY ROLES FOR CHILDREN:

With many weddings, a good way to involve children (except very young) is to give each their own one-time use camera and have them take pictures they think are important. It will be interesting to see what pictures they take and the photos could be theirs later when developed.
 

EXCESSIVE INVOLVEMENT OF CHILDREN IN THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY:

Generally, children will not share your sense of excitement about the wedding. Rather, to them it seems more a party occasion. Usually, giving children major roles in the ceremony quickly becomes chores. It is generally best to give a child only one active role and also to be mentioned in the ceremony, rather than to actively involve a child at many different points throughout the ceremony.
With teenagers, some care should be taken not to give them roles they may feel silly doing. Care should be given in asking a teenager to give the bride away or state agreement with the marriage - as the child may not really feel fully comfortable with the marriage, yet does not want to say so.
Finally, remember that while your children and children coming into a marriage are very important to consider, the wedding foremost is for the couple.
 

ADVISE ME OF THE CHILD/CHILDREN'S NAMES:

Simply write the name(s) in the margin of the ceremony and I will mention their names at the appropriate place.

PARTICIPATION IN THE CEREMONY:

For younger children, usually the simple task of holding the rings or bouquet is enough to accomplish a sense of participation. For teenagers, the role may be as simple as standing up with the couple, playing the CD or tape of wedding music, or even just taking pictures of the ceremony.
 

WALKING THE BRIDE FORWARD:

If the bride's children, sometimes the children will walk forward with the bride. When asked "who brings this woman to this man?" they answer "We do" or "We do for the family".

VOWS FOR CHILDREN:

Occasionally, a couple will have the children asked, "Do you accept this family and the marriage?" Care should be taken in this decision, as sometimes the child is not completely comfortable with the marriage.
 
THE ROSE CEREMONY:

If a couple is adding the "Rose Ceremony", often they will have a rose for each of the children. After exchanging roses, the couple will then give each child a rose, a hug, and whisper "I love you." I will add to the Rose Ceremony (which is a separate sheet sent to you) - "Not only are ______ and ______ creating a marriage today, but they also are forming a family with (child/children's name). Just as it is appropriate for ______ and ______ to declare their love for each other in the gift of a rose, they also wish to show you (to the children) how much they love you with the gift of a rose."
 

GIFT FOR THE CHILDREN AFTER THE EXCHANGE OF RINGS:

Typically, couples give children a gift right after they exchange their own rings and vows - usually a necklace or ring - along with a hug and an "I love you."

UNITY CANDLES:

Children tend to be fascinated with candles and involving them in the Unity Candles is an excellent involvement means. This can be done many ways. Usually, the bride and groom light small candles for the children - and then all light the center candle together. While doing so, I will point out that the center candle not only represents the marriage, but also the light and unity of the new family.

ALSO READ THE SECTION ON "SPECIAL READINGS" FOR OTHER IDEAS CONCERNING CHILDREN, FRIENDS AND GUESTS.
 

New Parent's vow to children:

If the marriage ceremony involves minor children coming into the family, sometimes the new parent will state a vow also the child(ren). He/she will address the child(ren) by name and then state a short vow accepting the child(ren) as their own and making a commitment to them. A new parent's vow to the children is NOT required and you may change the wording if you decide to make such a vow.)

"(State child(ren) name(s), "___________, I promise to accept and love you as my own child(ren) and to protect and love you all of my life. I promise to do my best to guide and support you - and to respect you enough to allow you to see the world through your own eyes."
 

PRAYER INCLUDING CHILDREN:

(This is added to the Prayer in the Ceremony)

"Oh Lord, today we not only celebrate this marriage, but we also celebrate the formation and affirmation of a family with - (child or children's names) -

We pray that you guide _______ and ________ as parents to raise and teach (child/children’s names) with love and respect; and that you protect this new family and keep them always in your care..."
 

ADDING CHILDREN TO THE ROSE CEREMONY:

(This is added to the Rose Ceremony - the  Rose Ceremony is a beautiful addition)
"Not only are __________ and ____________ creating a marriage today, but they also are forming a family with (Child or Children's names). Just as it is appropriate for _______________ and _______________ to begin their marriage by affirming their love fore each other by exchanging Roses, they also wish to show their love for (Child/Children’s names) with a gift of a Rose."
The Bride and Groom then hand the child or each of the children a rose, give a hug and whisper "I love you".

INVOLVING CHILDREN IN THE LIGHTING OF THE UNITY CANDLE
 
(This is added to the Unity Candle lighting. There is an additional smaller candle for each child. The Bride and Groom light these candles, and then all together light the center Unity Candle. This is added to the Unity Candle ceremony:)

"The lighting of the center candle represents not only the union of ____________ and ___________ in marriage, but the unity formed in this new family in which your lives will now shine as one family."